I received an e-mail with some comments attributed to Bill Cosby. I very much like some of Bill Cosby’s premises below but I’ve taken the liberty of adding a few additional suggestions in parentheses. Enjoy! (Steve Wilkie)
Bill Cosby has a great way of “distilling” things. Looks like he’s done it again!
AMERICA NEEDS A CANDIDATE WITH THIS PLATFORM!!
I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT IN THE YEAR 2012.
HERE IS MY PLATFORM:
(1). Any use of the phrase: ‘Press 1 for English’ is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait outside of our borders until you can.
(Unfortunately the United States does NOT have an official language. I would propose we establish the predominant aboriginal language as the “official” language and require all school children to take it and learn it as a second language.)
(2). We will immediately go into a two year isolationist attitude in order to straighten out the greedy big business posture in this country. America will allow NO imports, and we’ll do no exports. We will use the ‘Wal-Mart ‘s policy, ‘If we ain’t got it, you don’t need it.’ We’ll make it here and sell it here!
(Speaking of “greedy”, Greed will once again be recognized as one of the seven deadly sins and will no longer be the unofficial national religion. All elections will be 100% publicly financed using a strict corporate income tax. And ALL healthcare must be provided by non-profit corporations.)
(3).. When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it coming in here.
(See #2 above.)
(4). All retired military personnel will be required to man one of the many observation towers located on the southern border of the United States (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.
(Anyone residing within the borders without at least one-tenth native aboriginal blood will be deported to the country of the greatest portion of their genetic ancestry, or if not at least 50% genetic link to that country, to a third world country.)
(5). Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn’t put nuttin in, you ain’t gettin nuttin out. Neither the President nor any other politician will be able to touch it.
(All citizens will henceforth be required to serve two years of national service working with the elderly and disabled in lieu of military service.)
(6). Welfare. — Checks will be handed out on Fridays, at the end of the 40 hour school week, the successful completion of a urinalysis test for drugs, and passing grades.
(For Child Welfare, must be of school age. For those under school age, the parent must pass the urinalysis, and the children whose parents who do not pass the drug test, will be adopted by Mr. Cosby.)
(7). Professional Athletes — Steroids? The FIRST time you check positive you’re banned from sports … for life.
(If Mr Cosby will excuse the expression, let’s call a spade a spade: professional athletes will now
include collegiate athletes.)
(8). Crime – We will adopt the Turkish method, i.e., the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more ‘life sentences’. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose
for the victim you killed: gun, knife, strangulation, etc.
( I might be ok with this one, provided that 75% of law enforcement activities are directed toward white-collar, corporate crime, that all our other suggestions are enacted, and that use of marijuana is legalized.)
(9).. One export of ours will be allowed: wheat; because the world needs to eat. However, a bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.
(I still think #2 with my suggestion is sound.)
(10). All foreign aid, using American taxpayer money, will immediately cease and the saved money will help to pay off the national debt and, ultimately, lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we’ll ask the American People if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision as to whether, or not, it’s a worthy cause.
(Unless Congress officially declares war, as outlined in the constitution, all servicemen and military operations outside the borders of the United States will be dismantled and returned to American soil.)
(11). The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.
(“Under God” will remain, but must either include Adonai, Allah, Yahweh, Jehovah, Bhagwan, Ishvara, Maheshvara, Shiva, Parameshvara, Paramatman, Para Brahman, Adi Purusha, Vishnu Krishna, Rama, Waheguru, Ek Onkar, Satnam; and Nirankar; or In lieu of the preceding list, individuals may instead add at the end: “for goodness sake! Amen.” Genuflection is optional.)
(12). The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.
(“the bombs bursting in air” will be replaced by “the bombs landing on the ground and also killing unarmed innocent civilians”.)
My apology is offered if I’ve stepped on anyone’s toes ……..nevertheless…… GOD BLESS AMERICA.
( I prefer Tiny Tim’s version, “God Bless us, everyone!”)
Bill Cosby (Steve Wilkie)